Brass Bands Are All Very Well In

Movie Music Is Noise. It's Even More Painful Than My Sciatica.

There Are Two Golden Rules For An Orchestra: Start Together And Finish Together. The Public Doesn't Give A Damn What Goes On In Between.

The Sound Of A Harpsichord - Two Skeletons Copulating On A Tin Roof In A Thunderstorm.

As You'll Never Hear The Thing Again, My Boy, Why Not Throw In A Couple Of Brass Bands?

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.