Before I Met My Husband, I'd Never

I Admire The Pope. I Have A Lot Of Respect For Anyone Who Can Tour Without An Album.

An Amicable Divorce Is Like A Ventilated Condom; It Just Doesn't Work.

When I Want To End A Relationship I Just Say, 'you Know, I Love You. I Want To Marry You. I Want To Have Your Children.' Sometimes They Leave Skid Marks.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

My Father Was Never Very Friendly. When I Was Growing Up, I Thought The Doorbell Ringing Was A Signal To Pretend You Weren't Home.