At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel,

One Year They Asked Me To Be Poster Boy - For Birth Control.

Women My Age Just Don't Turn Me On. That's Another Problem With Getting Older. I Took Out An Older Woman The Other Night, And I Mean Old. I Told Her, Act Your Age. She Died.

Life Is Full Of Temporary Situations, Ultimately Ending In A Permanent Solution.

My Old Man Never Liked Me. He Gave Me My Allowance In Traveler's Checks.

I Tell Ya, My Wife's A Lousy Cook. After Dinner, I Don't Brush My Teeth. I Count Them.