An Income Tax Form Is Like A

To A Newspaperman, A Human Being Is An Item With Skin Wrapped Around It.

After Quitting Radio I Was Able To Live On The Money I Saved On Aspirins.

I'm A Little Hoarse Tonight. I've Been Living In Chicago For The Past Two Months, And You Know How It Is, Yelling For Help On The Way Home Every Night. Things Are So Tough In Chicago That At Easter Time, For Bunnies The Little Kids Use Porcupines.

Success Is Like Dealing With Your Kid Or Teaching Your Wife To Drive. Sooner Or Later You'll End Up In The Police Station.

Vaudeville Could Not Vouch For The Honesty, The Integrity, Or The Mentality Of The Individuals Who Collectively Made Up The Horde The Medium Embraced. All The Human Race Demands Of Its Members Is That They Be Born. That Is All Vaudeville Demanded. You Just Had To Be Born. You Could Be Ignorant And Be A Star. You Could Be A Moron And Be Wealthy. The Elements That Went To Make Up Vaudeville Were Combed From The Jungles, The Four Corners Of The World, The Intelligentsia And The Subnormal.