Americans Who Do Not Celebrate Independence Day:

A Drunk Driver Is Very Dangerous. So Is A Drunk Backseat Driver If He's Persuasive.

I Like To Stand Near Atm Machines, And When Somebody Types In Their Pin Number, I Go, 'got It!' And Then I Run Away.

I Went Whale Watching Once. It Was Very Similar To Watching People On A Boat Become Disappointed.

It Seems That Two Of The Most Basic Forms Of Comedy Are Jokes And Stories. And, Of Course, They Are Not Mutually Exclusive.

I've Learned Something On The Road, Traveling Around: State Shapes. The Easier It Is To Draw The Shape Of The State, The Harder It Is To Live In That State. So, If You Live In A Regular Polygon, Get The Hell Outta There. You Gotta Move To A Squiggly Area. Culture's Attracted To Squiggles.