America Is A Great Country, But You

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

There Are Three Types Of Men In The World. One Type Learns From Books. One Type Learns From Observations. And One Type Just Has To Urinate On The Electric Fence Himself.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

I Like To Hear A Man Talk About Himself Because Then I Never Hear Anything, But Good.

Well, Another Senator Rose And Said {as They Always Do} 'does The Gentleman Yield?' They Always Say That - Least They Call Each Other 'gentleman' In There. But The Tone They Put On The Word, It Would Sound More Appropriate If They Came Right Out And Said 'would The Coyote From Maine Yield?' 'cause That's About The Way It Sounds. Well, Then, The Other Senator Says 'i Yield' (for If He Don't The Other Guy'll Keep On Talking Anyhow). So The Coyote From Maine Says 'i Yield To...the Polecat From Oregon!'