All That Weak People Learn From Disappointment,

I Went To A Hypnotist. He Put Me Under A Spell, And Every Time I Had A Craving For A Cigarette, I Would Throw Up. It's Very Embarrassing Right After Sex. I Find It Pretty Hard To Get That Second Date After That. Girls Get All Snobby After You Barf On Them.

Though We May Not Desire To Detect Fraud, We Must Not, On That Account, Endeavor To Be Insensible Of It, For, As Cunning Is A Crime, So Is Duplicity A Fault, And If Men Dread Knaves, They Also Despise Fools.

I Don't Have Any Ambition.

They Say That If You're Afraid Of Homosexuals, It Means That Deep Down Inside You're Actually A Homosexual Yourself. That Worries Me Because I'm Afraid Of Dogs.

When People Told The Audience That [sam Kinison] Was Good, He Was Accepted After That.