Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I

Variant: I Was Driven To Drink By A Woman. I Am Forever Grateful, Yet I Never Had The Good Manners To Thank Her.

The Best Thing To Break Is A Contract.

No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It's Only A Question Of Degree.

I Like My Films To Influence The Audience. Even If It Means Tripping Their Aged Grandparents With A Cane When They Get Home.

I Ad Lib Most Of My Dialogue. If I Did Remember My Lines, It Would Be Too Bad For Me.