Airport Screeners Are Now Scanning Holiday Fruitcakes.

They Have Dog Food For Constipated Dogs. If Your Dog Is Constipated, Why Screw Up A Good Thing? Stay Indoors And Let 'em Bloat!

Newt Gingrich Says He Wants To Get Rid Of Social Security. Who Is More Qualified To Give This Country Financial Advice Than A Guy Who Ran Up A Half-million Dollar Bill At Tiffany?

Tourists - Have Some Fun With New York's Hard-boiled Cabbies. When You Get To Your Destination, Say To Your Driver, "pay? I Was Hitchhiking."

I Wouldn't Give My Troubles To A Monkey On A Rock.

I'll Be 50 Years Old Tomorrow And That Means, Among Other Things, That Now Bob Dole Can Start Telling Jokes About Me.