Everybody Is Wondering What Paris Hilton Will

Traffic Signals In New York Are Just Rough Guidelines.

Sunday Is The Academy Awards. Every Time An Actor Says, 'i Didn't Expect This,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg Will Do A Shot.

Earlier Today, We Got A Call From Stephen Hawking. He's A Genius, And After 6,028 Shows He Ran The Numbers And He Said It Works Out To About Eight Minutes Of Laughter.

It Turns Out That President Obama Has Acid Reflux. He Had A Sore Throat, Went To The Hospital, And They Diagnosed It As Acid Reflux. Talk About Irony -- It's Not Covered By Obamacare.

Do I Think There Is A Heaven? Uh, Yeah I Do. Like A Really Big Gymnasium. How Do I See Myself There? With Really Bad Seats.