A Surprising Amount Of My Jokes Sound

Even If You're Doing The National Insurance Awards, There's Still That Excitement When You Wonder Who Is Going To Win, Er, Best Premiums.

Saying That You Don't Believe In Magic But Do Believe In God Is A Bit Like Saying You Don't Have Sex With Dogs, Except Labradors.

Cats Have Nine Lives. Makes Them Ideal For Experimentation.

A Big Girl Once Came Up To Me After A Show And Said "i Think You're Fatist." I Said "no, No. I Think You're Fattest."

I Used To Buy Lottery Tickets Every Week Until I Realised You Could Watch It On Tv For Nothing.