There Are Many Ways To Die In

When Jack Benny Has A Party, You Not Only Bring Your Own Scotch, You Bring Your Own Rocks.

At Home We Ate Fish Every Friday, As Catholics Were Then Supposed To Do. Being Jewish, I Compromised. I Wore A Hat When I Ate Fish, Out Of Respect For My Own Religion And The Fish's Family.

Lots Of People Have Asked Me What Gracie And I Did To Make Our Marriage Work. It's Simple - We Don't Do Anything. I Think The Trouble With A Lot Of People Is That They Work Too Hard At Staying Married. They Make A Business Out Of It. When You Work Too Hard At A Business You Get Tired; And When You Get Tired You Get Grouchy; And When You Get Grouchy You Start Fighting; And When You Start Fighting You're Out Of Business.

If You Were Married To Marilyn Monroe, You'd Cheat With Some Ugly Girl.

When You Stop Giving And Offering Something To The Rest Of The World, It's Time To Turn Out The Lights.