A Man Says To His Mate: "my

A Man Turns To The Guy Next To Him Who's Covered In Bandages From Head To Toe And Asks "what Happened?". "i Fell Through A Glass Window," Explains The Man. The First Man Says: "lucky You Were Wearing All Those Bandages."

Doctor Told Me I've Got Two Weeks To Live. I Said: "can I Have The Last Week In July And The 1st Week In August?"

My Wife Said To Me: 'if You Won The Lottery, Would You Still Love Me?' I Said: 'of Course I Would. I'd Miss You, But I'd Still Love You.'

An Englishman, An Irishman And A Scotsman Walk Into A Bar. The Barman Looks At Them And Says: "is This Some Kind Of A Joke?"

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.