A Drunk Driver Is Very Dangerous. So

I Tend To Avoid Televisions, Politics, And Places With Velvet Ropes.

The Problem With My Balloon Collection Is That People Always Think There's A Party. Settle Down. It's Not A Party. It's Just Balloons.

A Straw Enables You To Drink Without Using Your Wrist. A Straw Is Your Friend - Until You Lose Eye Contact With The Straw. Then It Will Betray You And Make You Look Like An Idiot.

Yes, Okay, It's Cool To Be Quirky, Maybe, On The Side. Do Some Puzzles, Make Puzzles, Whatever, Learn How To Ride A Unicycle. That's Cool When It's On The Side And You Have A Plan. What Happens When You Remove The Plan? What You're Left With Is A Guy Who Likes To Do Anagrams. And Doesn't Have A Job... Sweet, That's A Catch.

I Think The Best Thing About Being Dumb Is That It Makes Magic A Lot Better. Where The Hell Did That Rat Come From? I Dunno, But I'm Calling The Cops Because He Just Cut That Lady In Half.