A Child Can Be Taught Not To

If You Don't Go To Broadway, You're A Fool. On Broadway, Off Broadway, Above Broadway, Below Broadway, Go! Don't Tell Me There Isn't Something Wonderful Playing. If I'm Home In New York At Night, I'm Either At A Broadway Or An Off Broadway Show. We're In The Theater Capital Of The World, And If You Don't Get It, You're An Idiot.

In Life The Only Thing That You Can Expect Is The Unexpected; The Only Surprise Is A Day That Has None.

I Always Like A Charity With People Who Don't Speak English Because I Get Them To Do All Kinds Of Things Around My House.

She Doesn't Understand The Concept Of Roman Numerals. She Thought We Just Fought In World War Eleven.

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.