You're Not A Star Until They Can

(on Bette Davis) Even When I Was Carrying A Gun, She Scared The Be-jesus Out Of Me.

[on The House Un-american Activities Committee] They'll Nail Anyone Who Ever Scratched His Ass During The National Anthem.

Things Are Never So Bad They Can't Be Made Worse.

(on Katharine Hepburn) She Talks At You As Though You Were A Microphone; She Lectured The Hell Out Of Me On Temperance And The Evils Of Drink. She Doesn't Give A Damn How She Looks. I Don't Think She Tries To Be A Character. I Think She Is One.

I Hate Funerals. They Aren't For The Guy Who's Dead. They're For The Guys Who Are Left Alive And Enjoy Mourning.