You See Yourself As Very Average, Ordinary.

Looking Back, I Question Whether I Really Loved Nate, Or Just The Security Of Our Relationship. I Wonder If My Feelings For Him Didn’t Have A Lot To Do With Hating My Job. From The Bar Exam Through That First Hellish Year As An Associate, Nate Was My Escape. And Sometimes That Can Feel An Awful Lot Like Love.

My Head Spins As I Glance Away, Refusing To Get Sucked Back Into His Gaze When So Much Is At Risk.

Sorrow Comes With So Many Defense Mechanisms. You Have Your Shock, Your Denial, Your Getting Wasted, Your Cracking Jokes, And Your Religion. You Also Have The Old Standby Catchall—the Blind Belief In Fate, The Whole "things Happening For A Reason" Drill.

I Think Some Of The Biggest Time Sucks Are Regret And Guilt, And I Have To Fight Against Those Things All The Time. In A Way, It's A Good Thing, Because It Can Motivate You To Make Amends And Forgive, But Regrets Are Really, I Think, A Supreme Waste Of Time In Many Ways.

Recognizing That There Is More Heartbreak In Continuous Disappointment Than A Void.