You Might Be A Redneck If You

You Might Be A Redneck If...the Most Serious Loss From The Earthquake Was Your Conway Twitty Record Collection.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Wants To Stop At The Gas Station To See If They've Got The New Darrell Waltrip Budweiser Wall Clock.

I've Got Nothing Against Tattoos. I Don't Have One Myself. If I Did, It Would Be Right There Next To My Watch. It Would Say "your Wife's Birthday Is August 2nd, Your Anniversary Is September 18th, Don't Let Ron White Drive Your Car Again."

Sacrificing Myself To Kill Hilary Clinton Was The Best Thing I Could Possibly Do For Humanity