You Know What Happens When Windmills Collapse

Russia Has Banned All Adoptions To Americans. So, If You Were Hoping To Get A Little White Kid With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, You're Going To Have To Wait Until Lindsay Lohan Reproduces.

When Those Myths Were Created, When The Bible Was Written, Man Didn't Know What An Atom Or A Germ Was, Or Where The Sun Went At Night, Or Why The Women Got Pregnant. [laughs.] They Needed Stories To Answer The Questions.

More Astronauts Have Been To The Moon Than Farmers Who Paid The Inheritance Tax In 2013.

Did You See Britney Spears At The Video Music Awards? I Don't Want To Say That That Performance Was A Disaster, But After The Show, I Saw Rudy Giuliani Having His Picture Taken Standing On Her.

Republicans Have Pounced. They're Outraged. They Say, 'how Dare You Lie About Caring For The People Who Got Hurt In The War We Lied Them Into?'