You Know, A Tv Show Is A

My Wife Gets So Jealous. She Came Home From Work And Was Mad At Me Because There Was A Pretty Girl On The Bus She Thought I Would Have Liked.

I Don't Want To Be A Spokesman For Family Values, But That's The Way My Standup Is Perceived.

I Wasn't Really That Informed About The Two-year-old. Oh, I'd Read About Them, And Occasionally I'd See Documentaries On The Discovery Channel Showing Two-year-olds In The Wild, Where They Belong.

I Put Myself On Tape And The Cool Thing Was That Martin Scorsese Had Never Heard Of Me. He Had Never Seen [everybody Loves Raymond]. I Was Just An Unknown Actor To Him. I Don't Want To Sound Conceited, Like He Has To Know Who I Am, But That Seemed A Little Odd. He's A Film Genius. He Doesn't Watch Sitcoms.

Whenever I Get Down About Life Going By Too Quickly, What Helps Me Is A Little Mantra That I Repeat To Myself: At Least I'm Not A Fruit Fly.