You Get Really Disillusioned, Because You Thought

I Don't Think I Ever Wrote A Song. I Can Write A Lot Of Jokes, But When I Try To Write Lyrics They're The Most Direct, Non-figurative Words, Like, 'i Like You, I Like You,'... And That's It, For The Whole Song. People Would Go, 'ooh, This Guy's Dylan Or Something.' It Gives Me A Lot More Respect For Songwriters, Actually.

My Friend Named His Car. And I Don't Want To Be Judgemental, But... What A Dork.

Okay, So, When I Was A Kid, Definitely The Drawings And The Illustration. Then I Stopped In Sixth Grade Or So. And Then I Started Again When I Was In My Twenties. I Really Didn't Progress Since Then, So The Way I Draw Is The Way I Drew In Sixth Grade.

I Ordered A Wake-up Call The Other Day. The Phone Rang And A Woman's Voice Said, 'what The Hell Are You Doing With Your Life?'

Sometimes If I Really Want To Get Someone's Attention, I'll Start A Sentence With Something Like, "i'm Not Racist, But..." I Say, "i'm Not Racist, But You Look Great Today." They Say, "that Wasn't Racist At All." I Said, "i Know. I Said I'm Not Racist. You Never Listen. Typical Mexican."