You Don't Pay Taxes - They Take

People Say, 'why Is He Bored With Her?' Because He's A Human Being, That's Why; Same Way His Wife Is Bored With Him. That Is Marriage - Anything That's Supposed To Be Forever, Your Going To Get Bored With It. And There Is Nothing Wrong With It, So Don't Take It Personal; If You Are With Somebody For Ten Years And They Are Not Bored With You? Then Something Is Wrong With Them.

Stand-up Is The Only Career Like That Where Once You Get Really Big At It, People Kind Of Encourage You Not To Do It.

The Key To Staying Together Is Making Sure You Guys Like Each Other And Need Each Other.

I Want My Name To Be A Brand In Comedy. I Hope My Name Stands For Comedic Excellence.

George Bush Hates Midgets.