You Can Always Tell When Someone's Lying

It's So Easy To Judge Everybody And For Some Reason Extra Weight Is The One Thing Everything Feels Ok To Joke About.

My Father Can Not Finish A Sentence. When We Were Kids He Would Go, 'girls The Most Important Thing In Life To Remember Is...' 'daddy, What Is It?' 'what's What, Honey?' 'the Most Important Thing In Life To Remember.' 'oh, What's That?'

Sitting Next To Olivia Newton-john, I Was Like, 'do Not Sing One Song From Grease.' That's All I Was Telling My Brain At All Times: 'do Not Sing Hopelessly Devoted. Don't Do It.'

My Favorite Machine At The Gym Is The Vending Machine.

I Constantly Walk Into A Room And I Don't Remember Why. But For Some Reason, I Think There's Going To Be A Clue In The Fridge.