Written On Her Tombstone: "i Told You

I Was Too Old For A Paper Route, Too Young For Social Security And Too Tired For An Affair.

When You Leave Them In The Morning, They Stick Their Nose In The Door Crack And Stand There Like A Portrait Until You Turn The Key Eight Hours Later.

You Show Me A Boy Who Brings A Snake Home To His Mother And I'll Show You An Orphan.

I Have Always Felt Cookbooks Were Fiction And The Most Beautiful Words In The English Language Were 'room Service.

I Would Have Invited Friends Over To Dinner Even If The Carpet Was Stained, Or The Sofa Faded.