While There's No 'i' In Team, There's

John Kerry Announced His Plan For How To Handle Those Poor Naked Prisoners. His Wife Is Going To Buy Them All A $1,000 Armani Suit.

There Are 300,000 New Jobs And Bush Said He's Confused, 'can I Take Credit For Good News That I Didn't Even Make Up?'

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.

Yesterday Jerry Springer Bowed Out Of The Ohio Senate Race. He Said, 'if I Can't Run The Most Embarrassing Campaign In America, Then I'm Out Of Here.'

The Prison Scandal Is Really Hurting President Bush's Poll Numbers. In Fact, I Hear He's Already Working On His Concession Smirk.