The Places I've Worked In The Past,

George W. Bush Even Stopped In Pennsylvania To Try His Hand At The Lotto And Gave Up When He Could Only Think Of The Numbers 4 And 17

Yesterday Jerry Springer Bowed Out Of The Ohio Senate Race. He Said, 'if I Can't Run The Most Embarrassing Campaign In America, Then I'm Out Of Here.'

Maria Shriver Is Credited With Helping Arnold Win By Standing By Him Despite Allegations Of Groping. She Had To Stand By Him Cause Arnold Had A Vice Grip On Her Left Ass Cheek.

Critics Say Arnold Has No Previous Government Experience, But Advisers Say He's Clearly The Most Qualified Austrian, Ex-mr. Universe In The Race.

Howard Dean Is Narrowing The Field Of Potential Running Mates. It's Down To Mike Tyson Or Bobby Knight.