When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky

In Every Big City There Is Always One Surefire Laugh, And That Lies In Hanging Some Piece Of Idiocy Upon The People Of A Nearby City Or Town.

I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of Olives And Alcohol. The Latter I Consume. The Former I Save And Use Over Again In More Alcohol. In My Lifetime, I Imagine, I Have Consumed At Least $200,000 Worth Of Whisky.

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky Sours.

I'm Searching For Loopholes.

It Was A Marriage Of Convenience, As My Father Had A Blister On His Big Toe And Couldn't Travel Far To Find A Girl.