When I Was A Boy If A

Fatherhood Is Pretending The Present You Love Most Is Soap-on-a-rope.

What Best Defines A Child Is The Total Inability To Receive Information From Anything Not Plugged In.

Violence Won't Solve A Thing. It Makes It More Challenging To Solve, Though.

I Am Proud To Be An American. Because An American Can Eat Anything On The Face Of This Earth As Long As He Has Two Pieces Of Bread.

When The Child Is Twelve, Your Wife Buys Her A Splendidly Silly Article Of Clothing Called A Training Bra. To Train What? I Never Had A Training Jock. And Believe Me, When I Played Football, I Could Have Used A Training Jock More Than Any Twelve-year-old Needs A Training Bra.