When I Want To End A Relationship

All Men Are Afraid Of Eyelash Curlers. They Don't Understand Them, And They Don't Want To Get Near Them. I Sleep With One Under My Pillow, Instead Of A Gun.

Halloween Was Confusing. All My Life My Parents Said, "never Take Candy From Strangers." And Then They Dressed Me Up And Said, "go Beg For It." I Didn't Know What To Do. I'd Knock On People's Doors And Go, "trick Or Treat."

Men Don't Feel The Urge To Get Married As Quickly As Women Do Because Their Clothes All Button And Zip In The Front. Women's Dresses Usually Button And Zip In The Back. We Need Men Emotionally And Sexually, But We Also Need Men To Help Us Get Dressed.

I Was Going To Have Cosmetic Surgery Until I Noticed That The Doctor's Office Was Full Of Portraits By Picasso.

Buying Something On Sale Is A Very Special Feeling. In Fact, The Less I Pay For Something, The More It Is Worth To Me. I Have A Dress That I Paid So Little For That I Am Afraid To Wear It. I Could Spill Something On It, And Then How Would I Replace It For That Amount Of Money?