I Don't Look Back. I'm Like A

I Work For Myself, Which Is Fun. Except When I Call In Sick, I Know I'm Lying.

When I Was A Kid, I Had Two Friends, And They Were Imaginary And They Would Only Play With Each Other.

My Parents Always Told Me I Could Do Anything, But Never Told Me How Long It Would Take

I Got Kicked Out Of Ballet Class Because I Pulled A Groin Muscle. It Wasn't Mine.

All Men Are Afraid Of Eyelash Curlers. They Don't Understand Them, And They Don't Want To Get Near Them. I Sleep With One Under My Pillow, Instead Of A Gun.