When I Get A Cold Sore, I

If I'm Out To Dinner With A Group Of Friends, And Somebody Offers To Pay For The Check, I Immediately Reach For My Wallet. Inside Is A Note That Says, "say Thanks!"

I Was At A Bar, And This Guy Bumped Into Me, And He Did Not Apologize, And He Said, "move!" I Thought That Was Rude, So I Said, "go To Hell!" Then I Started To Run. He Caught Up To Me. He Had A Mustache, A Goatee, A Pair Of Earrings, Sunglasses, A Ponytail And He Was Wearing A Hat. He Said, "hey, You Got A Lot Of Nerve!" I Said, "hey, You Got A Lot Of... Cranium Accessories!"

I Got A Smoke Alarm At Home, But Really It's More Like A 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

I Got A King-sized Bed. I Don't Know Any Kings, But If One Came Over, I Guess He'd Be Comfortable.

I've Got A Wallet, It's Orange. In Case I Wanna Buy A Deer. That Doesn't Make Any Sense At All.