When I First Set Out To Ruin

If You Want To Make An Audience Laugh, You Dress A Man Up Like An Old Lady And Push Her Down The Stairs. If You Want To Make Comedy Writers Laugh, You Push An Actual Old Lady Down The Stairs.

If You're An Actor And You Don't Get Cast In Stuff A Lot, Then Put Together A Show Or Hold Play-reading Nights At Your Apartment. Make Your Own Opportunities.

I Never Dreamed I Would Receive The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor, Mostly Because My Style Is So Typically Austrian.

Now Let Me Be Clear; Millions Of Women Around The World Nurse Their Children Beautifully For Years Without Giving Anybody Else A Hard Time About It. Teat Nazis Are A Solely Western Upper-middle-class Phenomenon Occurring When Highly Ambitious Women Experience Deprivation From Outside Modes Of Achievement.

[please Let My Daughter] Not Have To Wear High Heels.