When I Do Stand-up Shows At Colleges,

I'd Like To Have A Kid, And I'd Like To Be Driving Around. I Know A Kid Is Going To Be A Big Part Of My Life. I Can Trust My Kid. I Know My Kid Would Be In The Backseat Of My Car, And When I Say You Wanna Get Some Ice-cream? He's Going To Be Happy. My Brother Has Kids. I See That Trick Work, The Ice Cream Trick.

Through My Films I'm Eventually Trying To One Day Tell The Truth. I Don't Know If I'm Ever Going To Get There, But I'm Slowly Letting Pieces Of Myself Out There And Then Maybe By The Time I'm 85, I'll Look Back And Say, 'all Right, That About Sums It Up.

My Mother Says To Me, When I'm Making A New Movie, She Says, "oh, Is Steve Buscemi In It?" I'd Say, "yeah." And She, "oh, Then It's Going To Be A Good One." I Swear To God, She Says That Every Time. And When I Say Steve's Not In It, She Says, "oh."

When I Do Stand-up Shows At Colleges, Girls Will Talk To Me After The Show, And That Always Feels Good. I Like Talking To Them.

You Know, When You Don't Go On Tv And Talk About How Many Women You Sleep With, Some People In Hollywood, That Are Supposedly 'in The Know,' Start Whispering That You're Gay. If I Were Gay, I Wouldn't Be Ashamed To Admit It, But I'm Not.