When I Came Out To L. A.,

Since So Many People These Days Don't Seem To Start Their Families Until Around Age Forty, I Predict There Will Be Less Child Beating, But More Slipped Disks From Lifting Babies Out Of Cribs. Even The Father Of Advanced Age Who's Not Inclined To Spare The Rod Is Likely To Suffer More Than His Victim: The First Punch He Throws Might Well Be The Last Straw For His Rotator Cuff, Reducing His Disciplinary Options To Mere Verbal Abuse And Napping.

It's Funny How People Will Think I'm Being Sarcastic A Lot And Joking. So I'll Say, "i Like Your Dress," And They'll Go "(bleep) You!" Or I Say Something Serious And They Go, "oh, Yeah, Ha-ha." They're Strangers. They're People Who Know Me From Comedy, But Luckily I Am On Pretty Much All The Time!

People Who Follow Their Religion To The Letter Of The Law Are Just Silly. I Mean, I Want To Tell Hasidic Jews I Promise You, God Will Not Mind If You Wear A Nice Cotton Blend In The Summer.

I Do Enjoy And Feel Compelled To Talk About Things That Are Taboo. One, Because I Think I'm A Troublemaker Inside, If Someone Says, "don't Say That," It's All I Want To Say. And Also, Something I Learned In Therapy ... Which Is Darkness Can't Exist In The Light, And Then That Made Me Think Of Something That Mr. Rogers Said, Which Is, "if It's Mentionable, It's Manageable."

I Love Going To Weddings. And I Love It When My Friends Get Married. I'm Not Against Marriage But It's Just Not For Me. I'm A Vegetarian, But I Don't Have A Problem If You Want A Hamburger.