I Met This Girl, She Was An

Onions Make Me Sad. A Lot Of People Don't Realize That.

When Someone Hands You A Flyer, It's Like They're Saying Here You Throw This Away.

My Sister Wanted To Be An Actress, But She Never Made It. She Does Live In A Trailer. She Got Halfway. She's An Actress, She Just Never Gets Called To The Set.

Has Anyone Seen Me On Letterman? Two Million People Watch That Show And I Don't Know Where They Are. You Might Have Seen This Next Comedian On The Late Show, But I Think More People Have Seen Me At The Store. That Should Be My Introduction. "you Might Have Seen This Next Comedian At The Store," And People Would Say "hell Yes I Have!"

I Want To Make A Vending Machine That Sells Vending Machines. It'd Have To Be Real Big.