What Is Life But A Series Of

The Chief Objection To Playing Wind Instruments Is That It Prolongs The Life Of The Player.

I Am Sorry To Have To Introduce The Subject Of Christmas. It Is An Indecent Subject; A Cruel, Gluttonous Subject; A Drunken, Disorderly Subject; A Wasteful, Disastrous Subject; A Wicked, Cadging, Lying, Filthy, Blasphemous And Demoralizing Subject. Christmas Is Forced On A Reluctant And Disgusted Nation By The Shopkeepers And The Press: On Its Own Merits It Would Wither And Shrivel In The Fiery Breath Of Universal Hatred; And Anyone Who Looked Back To It Would Be Turned Into A Pillar Of Greasy Sausages.

Money Is The Counter That Enables Life To Be Lived Socially; It Is Life As Truly As Sovereigns And Banknotes Are Money.

The English Have No Respect For Their Language, And Will Not Teach Their Children To Speak It. They Spell It So Abominably That No Man Can Teach Himself What It Soundslike.it Isimpossible Foran Englishmanto Openhis Mouth Without Making Some Other Englishman Hate Or Despise Him.

I Lay My Eternal Curse On Whomsoever Shall Now Or At Any Time Hereafter Make Schoolbooks Of My Works And Make Me Hated As Shakespeare Is Hated. My Plays Were Not Designed As Instruments Of Torture. All The Schools That Lust After Them Get This Answer, And Will Never Get Any Other.