Well, That's A 'fresher'. I'm Going On

I Wrote A Script, And I Gave It To A Guy Who Reads Scripts, And He Read It, And He Liked It, But He Said He Thinks I Ought To Re-write It. I Said, "fuck That - I'll Just Make A Copy!"

I Met The Girl Who Works At The Doubletree Front Desk, She Gave Me Her Number. It's Zero. I Tried To Call From Here, Some Other Woman Answered. "you Sound Older!"

If You Had A Friend Who Was A Tightrope Walker, And You Were Walking Down A Sidewalk, And He Fell, That Would Be Completely Unacceptable.

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.