Welfare Is Monetary Methadone.

When You're Doing A Radio Show, You Can Express Yourself.

If You're A Guy, You Have Absolutely No Idea What's Going On At Any Time In The Relationship, Ever. Here's What You Know: You Know When You're Getting Laid, And You Know When It's All Over. Those Are The Only Two Things You're Aware Of.

I Feel Like I'm A Time Traveler From The Future Who Has Been Sent Back To Be Annoyed.

I'm Like John Q. Public. I Represent What Every Guy Wants And Needs.

You Shouldn't Be Eating Anything That Takes Six Minutes To Microwave.