There Are Certain Things Women Are Better

I'm Harmless. I Don't Have Any Ill Will Or Ill Thought Towards Anybody. When People Know You're That Way, You Can Say Stuff That The Creepy Guy At Your Office Could Never Get Away With.

Don’t Do Your Best, Do My Best.

The Reason Why You Know More Funny Dudes Than Funny Chicks Is That Dudes Are Funnier Than Chicks. If My Daughter Has A Mediocre Sense Of Humor, I'm Just Gonna Tell Her, "be A Staff Writer For A Sitcom. Because They'll Have To Hire You, They Can't Really Fire You, And You Don't Have To Produce That Much. It'll Be Awesome."

As I Said In My Last Book, Birds Are Mean. They're The Only Pet That, When They Escape, The Owners Are Relieved. You Can Tell A Species Is Evil By Doing This Simple Math. If My Blond Lab Molly Was The Size Of T-rex, That Would Just Mean More Kibble, More Work For The Gardener In The Backyard, And A Harder Time Moving Her To My Wife's Side Of The Bed At Night. If Birds Were The Size Of A T-rex, The Streets Would Be Littered With Human Remains.

I Liked Radio, Or Podcasting. I Like Talking Minus The Camera And The Script Part. All Those Mediums Are Different, And They Are All Different With Their Pluses And Minuses. I Would Say The Podcast Is My Favorite Because I Like The Freedom Of Podcasting. With Podcasting You Can Really Mess Around With The Form And The Format. The Pace Of Radio Is Very Fast. Boom, Boom, With A Little Six Minute Segment, Then On To The Next Thing. With Podcasts You Can Talk About Something For 25 Minutes If You Like - There Is A Lot Of Artistic Freedom With It.