There Are Certain Things Women Are Better

If You're A Guy, You Have Absolutely No Idea What's Going On At Any Time In The Relationship, Ever. Here's What You Know: You Know When You're Getting Laid, And You Know When It's All Over. Those Are The Only Two Things You're Aware Of.

The Reason Why You Know More Funny Dudes Than Funny Chicks Is That Dudes Are Funnier Than Chicks. If My Daughter Has A Mediocre Sense Of Humor, I'm Just Gonna Tell Her, "be A Staff Writer For A Sitcom. Because They'll Have To Hire You, They Can't Really Fire You, And You Don't Have To Produce That Much. It'll Be Awesome."

You Don't Realize How Much You Use Your Credit Card Not Even To Buy Things. It's A Card You Get So You Can Navigate Society.

Figure Out What To Do, Then Take A Nap.

I Don't Have Anything Against My Mom, But My Family Has No Emotional Connection To Each Other.