We Deserve Quality Lives With Equality.

I Like Trying Jokes And Seeing The Response, And If I End Up Doing It In My Act, It Won't Be 140 Characters. Twitter Is Helpful That Way To Me. It's Like A Message In A Bottle. But A Lot Of Times I Think I Tweet The Stuff I Would Like To Say To Teenage Me.

I Am Diagnosed With Not Having Enough Insanely-addictive Drugs Coursing Through My Body.

I Don't Want To Be A Facilitator For Other Funny People. It Doesn't Seem Smart For Me To Be In A Comedy And Not Be Funny. My Spirit Can't Take It.

You Can Be Hitler And Go To Confession And Say Forgive Me, Father, I Killed Six Million Jews, And The Priest Would Just Be Like No Problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler Goes To Heaven.

I Buy Water At The Liquor Store Across The Street From Where I Live. So I'm Walking Into The Door, And Standing, Loitering, Outside The Door Is A Man. And I Walk By Him To Go In, And He Says, "i Want Pussy!" Now, I Don't Want To Seem Conceited Or Anything, But He Was Talking About Me!