We All Hope For Breakthrough Rebirth Moments.

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

Any Guy That Refers To Dating Women As The Hunt Or Being On The Prowl Should Be Evaluated For A Number Of Conditions.

I Was Home Educated But Would Skip My Lessons To Go Hang Out At School.

I Think That People Who Do Enjoy My Stand-up Comedy And The People Who Get It And The People Who Are Taken In By It, They See That I'm A Guy That Has Love Of The Game.