I Was Very Good At Kickball ...

A Lot Of Comics Are Kind Of Vampire Types; We Do Our Shows And Disappear Into The Night. My Philosophy Was, This Is Like Politics, And If I Want People To Know About My Campaign, I'm Going To Go Out There And Shake Hands.

I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going To Open Up An Appliance Store, I've Always Really Been Into Toasters. I'm Giving It All Up.

You Know Your Gut Instincts Are Spot On About A Person When You Can Also Detect A Water Source In The Soil Beneath Them.

Losing My Mind Sounds So Pessimistic. I Prefer The Term Winning My Insanity.

I Feel Like People Who Don't Brag Are Trying To Make You Jealous By Thinking They're Hiding Something More Even Exciting.