Wait! Don't Applaud My Cheapness! I've Got

When I Stopped Drinking, It Was Only Because I Thought If I Don't Stop, I'm Going To Die.

Nothing Says Romance Like Hobos, Martyrs And Decapitations.

It's Earth Day Today. Let Me Tell You Something About Polar Bears. They're Endangered But You Have To Be Careful Because A Polar Bear Is One Of The Few Animals That Will Stalk A Human. If You Go To Where Polar Bears Live, It Might Stalk You And When You're On The Plane Going Home, It Might Be Behind You Reading.

I Have A Deep And Profound Mistrust Of All Politicians.

I Don't Know Why Some People Get Worked Up About Gay People Marrying. It's Not Gay People Who Are Ruining The Sanctity Of Marriage, It's Celebrities.