Vegas Means Comedy, Tragedy, Happiness And Sadness

I'm Very Resilient. The Only Thing I'm Missing Right Now Are Abs.

Artie Is Going To Do What Ever Artie Wants To Do.

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

A-rod Wants To Be Like Babe Ruth. And People Don't Realize This, He's A Lot Like Babe Ruth. Before The Playoffs A Couple Of Years Ago, A-rod Went To The Hospital And Promised A Dying Kid He'd Ground Out To Second For Him.

I Had A Career Before The Stern Show, On Mad Tv. I Was On The First Two Seasons Of That And I Got Kicked Off It Because Of Possession Of Cocaine.