Two Irishmen Were Passing A Pub -

I Have A Pacemaker In, But It Doesn't Work Very Well, Because Every Time I Fart The Garage Door Opens.

Men Only Go For Skinny Women Because They're Too Weak To Argue - And Salads Are Cheap.

The Irish Six Million Dollar Man Only Cost Three Quid.

What's The Difference Between My Wife And A Terrorist? You Can Negotiate With A Terrorist.

I Just Want To Apologise For Being Late. I Was Flying Back From Spain And The Air Hostess Said: "we Are Two Hours Late Mr Carson." When I Asked Why, She Said: "the Pilot Has Heard A Funny Noise In The Engine That He Doesn't Like, So We Are Waiting On Another Pilot Who Can't Hear It."