Today Is 11/11/11, A Date So Simple

A New Survey Out Says 64 Percent Of Americans Own A Smartphone. Which Is Interesting Because In A Related Survey, 100 Percent Of Smart Phones Say They Own An American.

Yesterday, The Supreme Court Spent Over An Hour Listening To Arguments On Whether Obamacare Is Unconstitutional. Yeah, Listening To Arguments About Obamacare For An Hour, Or As Most People Call That, 'thanksgiving Dinner.'

When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or People Who Makes Ballon Animals, I Think Of Their Relatives And How Disappointed They Must Be.

This Week The Obama Administration Warned China To Remove Its Secret Agents From The U.s. Then In The Middle Of Obama's Announcement A Plant Behind Him Got Up And Walked Away.

People Ask Me, Jimmy, Howd You Get Here Tonight. Lets Just Say It Involved A Two-hour Make-out Session With Elaine Stritch. It Got Pretty Heavy Actually, I Almost Had To Host.