Time Flies Like An Arrow; Fruit Flies

A Cigar Makers Organization Once Said That I Was The Most Famous Cigar Smoker In The World. I Dont Know If Thats True, But Once While Visiting Havana, I Went To A Cigar Factory. There Were Four Hundred People There Rolling Cigars, And When They Saw Me, They All Stood Up And Applauded.

I've Been Around So Long, I Knew Doris Day Before She Was A Virgin.

Gentlemen, Chicolini Here May Talk Like An Idiot, And Look Like An Idiot, But Don't Let That Fool You: He Really Is An Idiot. I Implore You, Send Him Back To His Father And Brothers, Who Are Waiting For Him With Open Arms In The Penitentiary. I Suggest That We Give Him Ten Years In Leavenworth, Or Eleven Years In Twelveworth.

I Never Go To Movies Where The Hero's Tits Are Bigger Than The Heroine's.

The Difference Between A Politician And A Snail Is That The Snail Leaves Its Slime Behind. Whoever Named It Necking Was A Poor Judge Of Anatomy.