Tic Tacs Are The Maracas Of Breath

I Don't Want To Be My Own Boss. I Want To Be My Own Colleague.

I Live In New York And There Are A Lot Of Famous... Pizzerias In My Neighborhood, It's Really Hard To Find One That Isn't Famous. Which Sucks Sometimes, You Know What I Mean, Sometimes I Don't Want All That Glitz And Glamour, I Just Want Something Delicious, You Know? I Don't Need A Celebrity In My Mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza Would Be Fine.

I Was Walking In The Park And This Guy Waved At Me. Then He Said, 'i'm Sorry, I Thought You Were Someone Else.' I Said, 'i Am.'

I Find That A Shirt Is Most Similar To A Napkin When I Don't Have A Napkin.

Usually My Favorite Joke Is Whichever Joke I Most Recently Came Up With That Surprised Me The First Time I Thought Of It.