Tic Tacs Are The Maracas Of Breath

If You Stretched The Average Person's Intestines Out From End To End, It Would Make Them Scream A Lot.

The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is A Conga Line.

One Of My Favorite Clothing Patterns Is Camouflage. Because When You're In The Woods It Makes You Blend In. But When You're Not It Does Just The Opposite. It's Like, 'hey, There's An Asshole.'

I Always Wanted To Do A Movie, Because I Love The Movies. They Give You A Chance To Have An Intimacy With Your Audience That Is Different From Stand Up. With Movies, You Can Bring The Audience In With A Close Up, And Emote In A Different Way.

I Think Cats Would Have An Even Worse Attitude If They Found Out How Stupid Their Names Were.