My Friend Says Touche Way Too Much.

The Difference Between A Child's Toy And An Adult Toy Is: Location, Location, Location.

Conclusions Are Based In Time. We Live In Time. So Any Definition Of Success Is Bound Up With Time. With Other Things You Can Say, "can I Yo-yo? Can I Juggle?" Usually You Have A Pretty Small Window In Which To Get Your Answer. Stand-up Is Different. You Can't Do Stand-up For One Night And Say, "am I A Funny Stand-up Comedian?" In Two Months Or Two Years You'll Start To Realize It.

Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

If I Have To Move Up In A Building, I Choose The Elevator Over The Escalator. Because One Time I Was Riding The Escalator And I Tripped. I Fell Down The Stairs For An Hour And A Half.

And Of Course I Didn't Make Any Money From Stand Up For Years, So I Had Temp Jobs. That Was The Way I Made Money.