They Call Me Good Time Emo. Because

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.

When I Was A Kid, My Favourite Time Of The Year When I Was Child Was That Magical First Snowfall. I'd Yell Yippee! Snow! And Run Up To The Front Door And Shout You Know The Deal... You Have To Let Me In Now.

My Jokes Are In My Head And I Have A Duplicate Copy Of My Jokes In A Lot Of British Comics' Heads, Where They Are Safe.

I've Always Thought The Best Way To Teach A Kid Not To Be Scared Of The Dark Is To Fill His Daylight Hours With As Much Horror As Possible.

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.